Many people associate the feeling of loneliness with being alone or single, but that’s not always the case. Just as many people feel lonely amongst a group of people, surrounded by friends, or even in their relationships. When we feel lonely in stable, loving, and long-term union, it can be easy to believe that there is something inherently flawed with our relationship—that it is doomed to failure. While it is reason to pause and see how you can possibly work to improve your relationship, such fear is usually unnecessary. Feeling lonely in relationships is far from abnormal.
As time goes by, many couples find themselves falling into a pattern of weakened communication. It’s easy to understand why, too. After awhile, we become adept at reading our partners, so if something was wrong or they were upset, we’d be able to know, right? Unfortunately human communication isn’t so simple.
Performing regular check ins and maintaining strong communication is pivotal to ensuring that we and are partners still feel connected to one another. Trying turning off the telly and putting down your phone to enjoy a nice long catch-up or chat, the way things might have been towards the start of your relationship when it was less comfortable to sit in silence! Go for walks together or look for a hobby the two of you can share. Tell the truth about your own selfishness and fears. The more connected we are to our partners, the less lonely we will feel in our relationship, and vice versa.
Expecting Them to Fill a Void
Far too many people find themselves in a relationship feeling lonely due to their expectations not being met, particularly those that apply to the voids within ourselves we wish others to fill. If we have not addressed issues within ourselves and worked to fix them, we cannot expect someone to come along and make such issues disappear, no matter how much they love us. See our video.
Hoping for someone to fill a void within you, and then being let down by them, will only lead to more loneliness. Be open and honest with your partner if you are feeling lonely due to an insecurity or past trauma. Though they cannot fix the problem, you’ll feel automatically less lonely knowing that someone might be able to help support you as you try to heal yourself.
At the end of the day, whether we choose to share our life with someone or not, only we can hear the thoughts in our head and experience our feelings. As such, it is normal to feel lonely from time to time, to feel as though no one else can possibly understand the nuances of our thoughts and feelings. The key to battling that feeling of loneliness in a relationship is to speak up and try to verbalise how you feel as best you can. Communication is key to most things relationship-related, but it is the lifeblood of connection.